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How to Believe in Yourself

Rob Parnell

There will be many times when your self confidence is tested.

Sometimes to a painful degree.

Don't you be one of those that falls victim to the idea that you lack the self confidence to succeed. You don't. All you might lack from time to time is self belief - a temporary aberration that is easily fixed.

First off, you need to understand that self doubt is completely different from lack of self belief.

Self doubt is like getting a sniffle - it's one of those things that besets all of us at one time or another - and there's not much we can do about it except wrap up warm, drink cocoa and wait until it passes...

Everyone has periods of self doubt because that's the way our minds process what we've done - assessing our strengths and weaknesses and almost always finding that we haven't lived up to our own expectations. That's normal. It's the mechanism by which we improve - or at least aspire to improve.

Lack of self confidence is a more debilitating disease because it's based on something far more fundamental - our self worth, the edifice we've created since birth: our outward facade and our entire internal structure, including all our faults which, irrational as we are, we assume are probably obvious to others.

Self confidence involves two central pillars - that which is based on our internal psychology and that which has been shaped by our influences.

Both pillars can be strengthened and reinforced to cope with lack of self confidence.

Your personal psychology, that is who you believe you are, and how you act and react, is basically, I believe, an illusion.

We humans extract great comfort from believing we are all made differently and have different likes, wants and needs to prove it.

Our brains are fabulous at accommodating this idea and like to give us minute by minute reinforcement of it - presumably because we fundamentally require an IDENTITY in order to function well as participants of the cosmos.

But I would suggest that at some level, deep down, we are all pretty much the same. Or we would be, given the same influences.

At least at the level of our DNA, the differences between us are infinitesimal - and any scientist will tell you we are merely different combinations of the same basic stuff.

I think this is why a good film or a good book and/or a great piece of music, for instance, can appeal to everyone - even those who might say it doesn't!

It's also why all of us can fall in love.

We have the same trigger points, the same emotions, the same ideas about what defines health and security and prosperity.

What is different about us is how we respond to stimuli and how we interpret and process the information coming in, something I would maintain is mostly down to our conditioning.

That is: how we were brought up, what we are taught and by whom and how we are trained, through our experiences, to respond.

The differences between us here can seem enormous, sometimes totally irreconcilable - and I think lead to almost all of the problems we currently face.

I believe that If we could just accept that in fact we are all pretty much the same - and want the same things for ourselves and for each other - then most of our problems would dissolve in an instant.

But how does all this relate to self confidence?

Easy.

Once you accept that we're all the same, you know that everyone else out there has had similar issues to yourself. They have experienced the same feelings of shame, embarrassment, joy, happiness etc as you do, now or at some other point in time.

Therefore, everyone who looks more confident than you has also felt your level of insecurity at one time - or may even be experiencing it as you watch them!

Therefore you now know that your own self confidence is a perception received by others - and not really a reflection of what you're feeling inside.

We know - because they tell us - that even great actors feel shy and insecure WHILE they're acting sometimes - and you'd never know it.

And here's the trick:

In order to function when you lack self confidence, all you need is to say quietly: "I believe in myself."

Try it now.

"I believe in myself."

Feels good, doesn't it?

It only needs to work for a second - just enough time to give you the courage to speak when you need to, to act when it's imperative, and to do something when you just have to take that certain step forward.

Dealing with your ingrained influences is harder - but not impossible.

The human body is habit forming. It likes to stop consciously thinking about the things it has to do and re-classify them as unconscious.

Things like breathing for instance - and walking around, driving and sleeping. It's much easier for us to function when we do things automatically, rather than having to think about them.

So how do we take an action or activity that we're unsure about and reformat it into a conditioned response?

Simple, make it a habit.

For example, if you're uncomfortable doing anything, simply do it some more.

Repetition cures all.

If you've ever tried to learn an instrument you'll know how hard it was to remember where to put your fingers until finally the necessary skills are - almost miraculously - re-classified and placed into your subconscious.

So it is with everything.

Dieting, socializing, sky diving, all the things we think we won't like, remain that way until repetition forces us to recognize that our fears are wholly based on fear itself, ignorance and inexperience.

Do something enough times and the fear of it diminishes - as any psychiatrist will tell you. They know that anything can be undone - drug addiction, bad habits, self flagellation, lack of self worth, if a person consciously creates a new benchmark for themselves over time.

It's why we grow and change over the years - if our bad habits or learned self loathing doesn't kill us first!

You may still feel some trepidation as you push yourself into the limelight or try something new that stretches you, even after the hundredth time, but that's normal - you're supposed to feel excitement and some degree of fear. That's what makes us human - and fundamentally all the same.

Just don't make the mistake of thinking that because you don't feel comfortable doing something then that means it's out of bounds for you.

It's not necessarily the case.

Just say "I believe in myself" and do it anyway.

You'll often be glad you did!

Keep writing!